“I was taught to back away from my strong emotions – to find them embarrassing, ridiculous even. I was taught to keep a lid on anything and everything outrageous. To just turn it off. I learned to turn off my life force, turn off my feelings, turn off my sensuality, and as a consequence, turn off my power.” 

Regena Thomashauer 

 

These words resonate with me sooooo much. You see my family didn’t do emotions, okay that’s a lie, we did anger and we did it really well. No wonder I was an angry Punk as a teenager. Both my parents could get angry quickly and easily, as such we’ve been trained really well to do anger. But that is it.

 

All the other emotions like sadness, surprise, fear and disgust weren’t welcome. Apparently my Mum was sad quite a lot, but I didn’t really witness any of it as she hid it or dealt with it on her own, behind closed doors. 

Even happiness wasn’t celebrated much when I was growing up, so as an adult my partners and friends thought I was rude, or odd, for not showing my excitement over a gift or special event.  

 

My perspective

I remember as a child, growing up in the 1970’s, being upset and crying often. This outburst would be met with “you’re too emotional” or ” you’re too sensitive”. I didn’t understand and my family didn’t understand that I needed to express my emotions in order to make sense of the world around me. 

As such, like Regena, my life force was dimmed and I learnt to turn off my feelings and become numb. I can remember being asked “what are you feeling?” I had no idea what they were on about. I wasn’t ‘feeling’ anything.

 

Did you know that in the 1920’s and 30’s parents were encouraged not to hug their children as it was thought that it might make them soft and needy. 

 

Can you relate to any of this? I know that I’m not the only one that was brought up like this. I saw the same reactions at friends houses too. 

 

After many years of inner work, I now know that emotions and feelings are incredibly important and useful. Emotions are messengers bringing you vital information. All emotions are good and by ignoring them you will never learn to be your best self and truly celebrate life.

Over the years I have had to unlearn my austere training when dealing with my feelings and to change and reform my non reactionary response to all emotions. 

 

I now take notice and welcome my emotions, thanking them for the messages they bring me. And I make sure I embody my feelings, not like a toddler having a tantrum, but I acknowledge my feelings and give them the space they need to move through my body.

I feel very passionate about this subject and helping others to discover the benefits and absolute need to manage emotions effectively. 

 

Please don’t believe anyone when they tell you that you’re too emotional. We are human, we are emotional, that’s what we do, it is part of the wonderful tapestry of life. The work is in learning how to identify and translate the messages from your emotions, in order that they help you to make sense of the world in and around you.

 

People that embrace and understand their emotions and feelings help us to see a different perspective, a more useful one. They know how to support and nurture effectively, inspiring others to do the same. 

 

Do you still think you’re too emotional?

 

Much love and happiness,

Belinda. xx

 

P.s. click here to get your free Emotional Tools